السراج ... في الطريق إلى الله تعالى

Etiquette of Marriage

آداب النكاح

Imam al-Baqir (a.s) said: “ Before consummating the marriage, instruct (her) to perform wudoo first then you do it and perform a two-unit prayer and instruct her to do the same. Then, thank Allah and pray for the Prophet and his Household; then say this prayer and instruct her lady companions to say Amen to it: ‘O, Allah! Bestow upon me her affection, love and approval; make me content with having her; join us together in the best union, in the most intimate love, for you like that which is lawful and dislike that which is not’.

قال الباقر(ع) : اذا زفت اليك العروس فمر ان تتوضا من قبل ، وتوضا انت وصل ركعتين وقل يامروها ايضا بالصلاة ركعتين .. ثم احمد الله وصل على محمد وال محمد ، ثم ادع وأمر من حضر معها من النساء ان يؤمن .. وقل اللهم ارزقني الفها وودها ورضاها ، وارضني بها واجمع بيننا باحسن اجتماع ، وآنس ائتلاف ، فانك تحب الحلال وتكره الحرام .

Imam Jafer al-Sadiq said: “On the wedding night-and after the consummation-do this: Turn her forelock of towards kibla and say; ‘O, Allah! It is by your trust that she became my wife; and it is by your words that she became lawful for me. So, if you decree that I have a child from her, then make him blessed, pious, an adherent of the Family of the Prophet Mohammad, and forbid that Satan should have a partnership or a share in him’.

قال الصادق (ع) : اذا دخلت على العروس ليلة الزفاف ، فخذ ناصيتها وادرها الى القبلة وقل : اللهم بامانتك اخذتها ، وبكلماتك استحللتها .. فان قضيت لي منها ولدا ، فاجعله مباركا تقيا من شيعة ال محمد ، ولا تجعل للشيطان فيه شركا ولا نصيبا .

The recommended and the not recommended times for the wedding ceremony and the marriage contract :

The Prophet (s.a.w) said: “Conduct the marriage procession at night and serve the food in the morning.” [Reference: al-Bihar Ch. 100, p.268]

الأوقات المستحبة والمكروهة للزفاف والنكاح وبعض آداب النكاح :

قال رسول الله (ص) : زفوا عرائسكم ليلا وأطعموا ضحى.{البحار ج100:ص268 }

Recommendations by the Prophet (s.a.w)
Do not have sexual intercourse with your wife on the first day of the (lunar) month, its middle and its end, because possession, leprosy and insanity would hurry to her and her offsprings”. [Ref: Al-Bihar, Ch.100]

من وصايا النبي (ص) : .... لاتجامع امرأتك في أول الشهر ووسطه وآخره ، فان الجنون والجذام والخبل يسرع اليها والى ولدها . {البحار ج100}

“Do not have intercourse with your wife by the desire of another’s wife, for I fear that if a son is to result from it, he would be effeminate, feminine or insane

تجامع امرأتك بشهوة إمرأة غيرك ، فإني أخشى إن قضى بينكما ولد أن يكون مخنثاً ، مؤنثاً ، مخبّلاً . .

“Whoever is in bed with his wife and in a state of junaba (major ritual impurity), must not recite the Koran, because I fear that a fire would descend from the sky and burns them both.”

من كان جنباً في الفراش مع إمرأته ، فلا يقرأ القرآن ، فإني أخشى عليهما أن تنزل نار من السماء فتحرقهما

“Do not have intercourse with your wife unless each of you has a shred (towel) of his own; and do not wipe off with the same towel because your lusts will fall on each other and that will result in enmity between you and will lead to separation and divorce.”

لاتجامع إمرأتك إلا ومعك خرقة ومع أهلك خرقة ، ولاتمسحا بخرقة واحدة فتقع الشهوة على الشهوة ، فإن ذلك يعقب العداوة بينكما ، ثم يؤديكما الى الفرقة والطلاق .

“Do not have intercourse with your wife from the standing position; for that is how donkeys do it.”

لاتجامع إمرأتك من قيام ، فإن ذلك من فعل الحمير.....

The Prophet (s.a.w) prohibited that a man who sees a wet dream sleeps with his woman until he has washed from it; for if he does and the child is born insane, he must not blame anyone but himself.
[Reference: Al-Wasail, from the chapter of introductions to marriage]

نهى رسول الله (ص) أن يغشى الرجل المرأة وقد أحتلم حتى يغتسل من احتلامه الذي رأى ، فإن فعل وخرج الولد مجنوناً فلا يلومنّ إلا نفسه .{الوسائل من أبواب مقدمات النكاح}

Imam al-Sadiq (a.s) said: “A man must not have an intercourse with his wife while there is a youth in the house, because that causes fornication (causes the youth to be a fornicator).”

عن أبي عبدالله (ع) : لايجامع الرجل إمرأته وفي البيت صبي فإن ذلك ممايورث الزنا .

The Prophet (s.a.w) said: “When having intercourse, the couple must not get (completely) naked, like donkeys, for if they do that, the angels will step out.”[Reference: Al-Bihar ch.100]

عن رسول الله (ص) : إذا تجامع الرجل والمرأة لايتعريان فعل الحمارين ، فإن الملائكة تخرج من بينهما إذا فعلا ذلك .{البحار ج100}

According to Imam Jafer al-Sadiq (a.s): “When he (probably the Prophet) wanted to have intercourse with his wife, he would perform wudoo (the ritual ablution) the same way he would when he wanted to meditate.” [Reference: Al-Bihar ch.100]

عن أبي عبدالله (ع) : كان إذا أراد أن يعاود أهله للجماع توضأ وضوء الصلاة .
{البحار ج 100}

The Prophet (s.a.w) prohibited that a woman talks to another woman about her private life with her husband.” [Reference: Makarim al-Akhlaq]

نهى النبي (ص) أن تحدث المرأة المرأة بما تخلو به مع زوجها.{مكارم الأخلاق}

The Prophet (s.a.w) prohibited that a man says to another, ‘Marry me your sister so that I marry you my sister’. [Reference: Makarim al-Akhlaq]

نهى النبي(ص) أن يقول الرجل للرجل .. زوجني أختك ، حتى أزوجك أختي .{مكارم الأخلاق}

It is unfavourable to contract marriage when the moon is in Scorpio and when the moon is in the waning phase. [Reference: Minhaj al-Saliheen]

يكره ايقاع العقد والقمر في برج العقرب .. وايقاعه في محاق الشهر. ( منهاج الصالحين)

It is recommended to pronounce Allah’s name (by saying bismillah) at the beginning of the intercourse, and that the husband be in a state of ritual purity (by performing wudoo) especially if the wife is pregnant, and that he asks Almighty Allah to bestow upon him a child who is pious, blessed, pure, male and straight-bodied. [Reference: Minhaj al-Saliheen]

نهى النبي(ص) أن يقول الرجل للرجل .. زوجني أختك ، حتى أزوجك أختي .{مكارم الأخلاق}

It is unfavourable to have intercourse on the day of, and the night before an eclipse, around noon-except on a Thursday, at sunset-before the fading of the evening glow, when the moon is in the waning phase, after dawn-until the sun rises, at the night before the first day of the month-except Ramadan, on the middle and the last days of the (lunar) month, during an earthquake, yellow and black wind. [Reference: Minhaj al-Saliheen]

يكره الجماع ليلة الخسوف ويوم الكسوف .. وعند الزوال الا يوم الخميس .. وعند الغروب قبل ذهاب الشفق .. وفى المحاق .. وبعد الفجر حتى تطلع الشمس .. وفى اول ليلة من الشهر الا شهر رمضان .. وفي منتصف الشهر واخره .. وعند الزلزلة والريح الصفراء والسوداء. (منهاج الصالحين )

It is proper not to reject the proposition of a man who is religious and of good character. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: “When a man whose piety and character satisfies you proposes, then give her in marriage to him; unless you do this, there will be persecution in the land and great corruption.” [Reference: Minhaj al-Saliheen]

ينبغى ان لا يرد الخاطب اذا كان ممن يرضي خلقه ودينه ، فعن رسول الله (ص) : اذا جاءكم من ترضون خلقه ودينه فزوجوه ، الا تفعلوه تكن فتنة في الارض وفساد كبير .

It is not permissible to abandon having sexual intercourse with the youthful wife for more than four months, except for a reason like (having) a difficulty or (causing) harm or with her approval. Accordingly, it is not permissible to extend travel without a legitimate reason if it deprives the wife of her right, and especially if there is no traditional (common) reason for it like when it is done for the mere strolling about and viewing. [Reference: Minhaj al-Saliheen]

لا يجوز ترك وطء الزوجة الشابة اكثر من اربعة اشهر الا لعذر كالحرج او الضرر او مع رضاها .. وعليه فلا يجوز اطالة السفر من دون عذر شرعي اذا كان يفوت على الزوجة حقها .. ولا سيما اذا لم يكن لضرورة عرفية كما اذا كان لمجرد التنزه والتفرج . ( منهاج الصالحين )

It is permissible for both the wife and the husband to look at each other’s entire body-even the genitals; so is touching with every part of their bodies every part of the other’s body, with or without taking pleasure in doing it. [Reference: Minhaj al-Saliheen]

يجوز لكل من الزوج والزوجة النظر الى جسد الاخر ظاهره وباطنه حتى العورة وكذا لمس كل منهما بكل عضو منه كل عضو من الاخر مع التلذذ وبدونه . ( منهاج الصالحين )